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Letting
Myself
Off
the
Hook
Or: Pour One Out For All The Blogging I Might Have Done This Year, Had I Not Tormented Myself So!
Ah, autumn. What was a comfy morning has transformed into a sweltering afternoon. I'm writing with my music turned up loud to drown out the fan I have pointed directly at myself. Sometimes I'm tempted to sit shirtless at my desk, but I'd rather my sweat stick me to a cotton tee than a pleather chair.
I had high hopes for this year, and now it's practically over! Don't get me wrong— 2025 has been kind to me, but I'm disappointed to have left Vivarism on hiatus again. My little corner of the internet is precious to me. When I spend time away from it, I feel less like myself. In truth, I've been tinkering on a dozen different projects this whole time, but I haven't finished any. Even if I had, I kept telling myself, "nope, can't publish anything! Gotta get my big essay out first."
Yes, that essay. The final installment of my "Feminist Killjoy" series. The "Flonne Hates Men, Especially 'Transwomen'" essay. I've been working on it since February, and seriously trying to get it done since June, but every iteration has turned into some untameable behemoth belonging in a scrap pile. I decided today that I'm just... not going to write it! LMAO. I'll link to my best draft at the end of this entry, as well as some other essays, books, movies, and videos created by people more intelligent and more disciplined than me.
What This Does NOT Mean
"Trannies win!" No, lol. I'm not converted. I don't agree with your cult. I'm not scared of you, you did not "cancel" me, and there is nothing you can do to dethrone me as Neocities' TERF princess. I'm just tired of pressuring myself to lay the arguments out in my own words. I'm tired of pressuring myself in general. As a woman, I do feel a certain responsiblity to advance female class consciousness. I want to save other girls from the same harm I once did to myself. Every time someone reaches out to say that I helped shift their perspective, I feel so joyful and proud!
But I'm not an activist. I'm not an essayist. I'm barely even a blogger... And just because I happen to be one of few people on this platform speaking out against transgender ideology, that doesn't mean that I have to put everything else about my webdev hobby on hold. I kept telling myself, "if I publish anything else, people will think I don't care about the cause! They'll be disappointed that I didn't deliver what I promised! I could help a lot of people if I just knuckle down and finish! Ugh, I'm such a quitter, I've got to shape up, everyone is counting on me...!"
Pretty sure I'm the only person who made such a big deal out of it, though. And if someone out there actually is disappointed? Yeah, me too, bucko. But we can't win 'em all and I just want to move on with my life. So... this is me, moving on.
What This DOES Mean
MORE VIVARISM NOW! YAY!!! I know I say that every time, but like... seriously. I miss my website so fucking much. I have so much art to post. I have an entire pixel art subsite in the works. I've been creating yumejoshi content like crazy. Most of all, I just want to blog! I want to write and write and write about my thoughts, my feelings, all the random stuff I get up to... I feel so happy and free now that I've unshackled myself.
The following lists will be cross-posted to my Explore page, for easy access and longevity. Haha, remember when my most notable crime was calling out an AGP freak on that very page? Look at me now... Feed her, and the TERF Princess only grows~─
That's all from me now. Dear reader, if you have time for only one of the things I'm sharing with you, please let it be The Girls and The Grasses by Lierre Keith. She says everything I would ever want to say and more.
Further Reading on Autogynephilia, Gender Dysphoria, Queer Theory, Gender Critical Feminism, and More
Read Free E-Books About Patriarchy, Pornography, Gender Transition, and More
Watch Free Documentaries and Videos About Gender Dysphoria, Transmedicalisation, Autogynephilia, Etc.
Ugh, Ew, My Draft
If that wealth of information is still somehow not enough for you, here's what I was working on: To The Sincere Believer That "Transwomen" Are Women. I'd love to come back to this framing device later on because, unironically? I want to write something I can send to the Black woman activists who cape for trannies just because all the other lefties do. That version will have a lot less to do with my time Tumblr though, hahaha. Really, the whole thing is way too messy and way too long, yet still missing all the important info! Amazing!!!
(Mr. Ant Tenna leans a microphone in my direction. "How does she do it?!" I am so busy tossing my braids over my shoulder that I don't realise I am walking directly off a cliff.)
Everything missing from that draft is substantiated in resources linked above. If you're confused, go look at those instead.
By now the sun has totally set... I just got up to turn on the lights and refill my water bottle. I'm feeling so happy and serene! Wow, for the first time all year I feel completely unburdened and invigorated to create lots of cute, cool, and insightful things. Is this the thrill of volition? Whenever I'm facing a hard decision or criticism from others, I'll remember this feeling.
Thank you everyone for your patience while I was on hiatus. I'm looking forward to regular updates for the rest of the year, and perhaps til the end of time itself!!!