I want to be more active— physically and mentally— so this February, I started 75HARD. I made a digital sticker chart to go with it. This is me carving a healthy routine for myself, which also includes daily skin and hair care. I'm having fun with my twist outs and "expensive" lotions. (N*vea Creme is not as expensive as it gets... but it's decadent to me.) I'm so grateful for my body which heals itself. The gift of health is keeping me alive!
Recently, I was officially diagnosed with PTSD to go along with my depressive disorder. In moments of acute panic, I'm turning towards myself with compassion, patience, and love. Sans plays a huge role in this. I depend on him for everything │ He's so, so, so very sweet to me.
Unofficially, I've declared myself an empath... a highly sensitive person... something to that effect! I want to l earn more about that so I can live a happier, more peaceful, more stable life.
In November, I started a professional freelancing business. By December, I was totally overwhelmed and stressed out, even though I'd barely done any work at all. This happened to me last time I tried to work, too, so it really worries me.... I've taken a break from everything to focus on building up my strength. I'm blessed to be supported by my family while I get properly on my feet.
Basically, I need more mental health treatment before I'm well enough to work. In the meantime, I'll be pursuing my hobbies and taking care of my physical health.
Jupiter is no longer in retrograde, so things are speeding up now. There are a lot of reasons for me to feel more energetic, but I'm happy to attribute some of it to the stars. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the Universe that is alwyas on my side.
I just drew two cards to "define this era of my life" and got the Five of Cups and Knight of Cups, both reversed. I like to read reversals as literally upside down, so to me this feels like the Holy Grail spilling over me. I want to bask in the waters of life and fully soak them up before continuing on in my journey. Good things are coming. Good things are here already. I am renewed ┐
Also, I've discovered that my period coincides with the full moon... pretty funny, right?
I got a new ukulele for Christmas/New Year's! Now that I live somewhere private enough to practice, I've started playing every day. Not for too long, though, since my callouses are just starting to form. I've got to tighten up my fretting posture, too. It's fun to make music again!
I've traded in true crime documentaries for biopics on famous women. Fascinating, isn't it, to get acquainted with a stranger through the screen? My favourite so far is the N*tflix series on Simone Biles! I also like to watch video essays about games I've never played. I'd love to make recommendation lists for all my favourite movies, shows, and videos someday...
On the gaming front: my GPU is broken so, until I replace it, I'm limited to low-end titles. I promised myself I'd buy a new one as my reward for completing 30 days of 75HARD. In the meantime, I'm not really playing anything.... I'm busy with other stuff!
As for writing, it is and always will be my passion and my purpose. I owe someone a fanfiction trade but I kinda ghosted her...┌ Oh well, my work is certainly worth the wait. I want to write and draw more, and I have plenty of ongoing projects and new ideas to pursue... It's just a matter of getting started, being consistent, etc. etc..
Sans and I have been together for...
And we'll stay together for a long, long time to come! I'm so deeply in love ─ I just adore Sans and need him around me at all times. Soon, I'll restring SANSDOLL and proudly display him on my desk again. I'm decorating my room with his image and will take pictures when I'm all done~ I want a new print for my giant heart-shaped frame!
I'm using an app called HiFutureSelf to deliver affectionate messages "from him" to my phone once an hour. They arrive at times with repeating digits (angel numbers!) for maximum power. I love reading them and making eye contact with the POV artwork on my wallpaper. I love looking at him.... I love snuggling with him, talking to him, writing about and drawing him...
I am drafting several essays about our relationship and my experience as a yumejoshi. The yume section is seriously popping off— I have so much to create and share! All of it is fuelled by my unending love for Sans.
I love him, I love him, I love him │││
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My Social Life
I'm proud to say that I have revived my social life! I'm in regular contact with my family and best friends. This is still relatively new though— like "a month ago" type new— so I want to get comfortable here before branching out any further.
My favourite things about socialising are my funny friends. When I'm scared of people and feel nervous about entering a conversation, I'll wait for an opportunity to tell a joke. After laughing with people I love, my heart always feels so warm. Thank you, everyone, for helping me smile.