Vivarism: Now!

Health

I'm done being depressed! After spending my whole life in the throes of mental illness, and resolving to save myself from it two years ago, I'm finally coming into the life I've always wanted. ┠ I still have problems with social anxiety and C-PTSD, but I'm confident I can resolve them.

Career

I just started my career as a freelancer. For anonymity's sake, I won't share many details. I can say that I'm proud of the foundations I've built and I'm excited to see my business (and bank account) grow. ┐ Working hard and reaping rewards... it's the opposite of depression!

Stars

Astrologically, I'm going through some major transformations. Horoscopes are intentionally vague... but the stars really did align with my relocation. The universe is inviting me to let go of everything holding me back and soften into my truer self.

Social

Remember those social anxiety problems? I'm working through them, day by day. My first priority is reconnecting with my biological family. Up next is my internet one. My relationship with is invaluable during this "grown-up" era of my life.

Hobbies

Drawing, writing, web design... I'm still up to the usual. I've committed to writing and drawing at least 30 minutes a day, everyday. Got lots of story ideas and notes floating around. My most ambitious projects are web-based: Vivarism 3.0 (you are here) and my Sans Undertale fansite!

Presence

Being attentive to what is happening right now. Not lost in thinking, emotional reactions, etc.

Able to witness thoughts and feelings, and to respond rather than react; able to bring oneself back to alertness when aware of having been lost in thought.

Observing

Noticing (and possibly describing) our sensory and mental experiences, and distinguishing these experiences from the interpretations we ascribe to them.

Increasingly remembering and making the distinction between observation and interpretation.

Feelings Awareness

Ability to identify and experience our physical sensations and emotions.

Able to recognize, accept, and allow emotional experience, with effort.

Self-acceptance

Accepting oneself with unconditional caring.

Increasing acceptance of, and life-enriching response to, what one feels, thinks, needs and does.

Taking ownership of one's feelings

Living from the knowledge that I alone cause my emotions— my emotions are not caused by others.

Capable of noticing when triggered, and uses that as a signal to self-connect.

Needs consciousness

Awareness of (and the willingness to honor) needs, the essential universal elemental qualities of life (like sustenance, love and meaning).

Sees difference between needs and strategies; has a vocabulary to express feelings and needs; connects feelings with underlying needs (sometimes with effort, particularly when triggered).

Reconnecting to self and recovering from reactivity

Reactivity is internal resistance to what is. Recovery is letting go of that resistance. Re-connecting to self is being with one's own experience with presence and compassion.

Sometimes notices habitual patterns and remembers empathy and/or honesty was an option.

Request consciousness & making requests

Willingness to ask for what one wants, with openness to any response; not attached to any particular outcome.

Becoming aware of how attachment, making demands, and failing to ask for what we want, are less likely to address needs.

Mourning

Transforming the suffering of loss; letting go of resistance to what is, and being willing to allow our experience to unfold.

Blames self, others or external circumstances for loss; resists feelings of loss; tries to be "strong" or hide feelings from others.

Empathy

Being present with another's experience, with unconditional acceptance of the person.

Easily gets lost in the story. Sometimes able to guess observations, feelings, needs and requests (with support of feelings/needs lists). Dawning intention to give others space, presence and focus.

Dissolving enemy images

Transcending one's perceptions that another deserves to be punished or harmed.

"Us versus them" thinking; "they" deserve to be punished or harmed.

Discernment

Clarity, insight, and wisdom in making life-serving distinctions and choices; recognizing one has choice.

Has increasing competence in making distinctions and choices with a broad perspective, understanding the deeper meaning and intentions beneath the surface.

Living interdependently

Living from the knowledge that every individual is related to every other individual - every part of a system affects every other part.

Aware of (and interested in) the idea that all needs matter; becoming aware of either/or thinking, and of desire to submit/rebel.

Honest self-expression

Owning one's experience and having the willingness to express authentically without blame or criticism.

Usually capable of expressing authentically with an intention to connect, even when stressed.

Facilitating connection

Facilitating empathy and honesty in dialogue with an intent to create connection.

Conscious intention to connect; balancing honesty with inviting the expression of others.

Patience

Remaining spaciously present when one feels stress. An ability to be with one's own reactions, without acting out of them.

Impatient or distracted by own impulses; interrupts; tendency to act with reactivity.

Responding to others' reactivity

Responding rather than reacting to others who are caught up in intense separating emotions.

Increasingly notices one's own habitual reactions and their effect on connection.

Openness to feedback

Receiving other's perspective about our actions with equanimity and centeredness.

Has desire to transform one's own reactivity around receiving feedback.

Beneficial regret

Acknowledging and learning from one's missed opportunity to meet needs, without guilt, shame, or self-punishment.

Newfound awareness that others' feelings are caused by their needs, and may want others to "get over it." Heightened awareness of habit of self-blame.

Flexibility in relating

Openness and versatility in interacting with others.

Increasing ability to distinguish between life-alienated communication patterns and NVC. Reactive communication patterns continue. Formulaic, self-conscious expressions of NVC honesty and empathy; thinks NVC is OFNR.

Transforming conflict

Using conflict with others as a means to connect and create a mutual outcome.

Afraid of or addicted to conflict; unconsciously attached to opinions and strategies; takes sides.

Gratitude

Finding the value in, appreciating, and enjoying what is.

Willing and able to connect to, savor, and express the gift(s) in what is happening.

Open-hearted flow of giving and receiving

Transforming scarcity thinking into thriving creatively; joyfully contributing and receiving.

Becoming aware of one's fears associated with not having enough, and the value of contributing.

Cultivating vitality

Tuning in to oneself to support balanced self-care; cultivating the energy to serve life.

Becoming aware of own energy levels and what influences them.

Sharing power

Transforming domination; valuing everyone's needs with mutuality and respect; transcending submission and rebellion.

Relationships based on domination and submission; fear of, lusting for, or hoarding of power.

Transcending roles

Aware that we are not the roles we play; having choice about what roles we adopt and how we respond to the roles others adopt.

Unconsciously stuck in reactions to roles, one's own and others.

Awareness of response-ability

Freely choosing one's responses to what shows up in life, owning one's part in what happens. Not owning others' parts, and acknowledging that one's actions do influence others.

Able to take ownership of one's experience and choices when one becomes aware of blaming, justifying, or minimizing, without trying to take ownership of others' reactions and responses.

Supporting holistic systems

Consciously participating in the creation and evolution of holistic systems that foster general well-being.

Rebels against or submits to structures; uses organizational structures to assert one's power or feels helpless in relationship to organizational rules.