Pathways to Liberation
Below is a self-assessment of my current aptitude in the skills and consciousness of Nonviolent Communication. Learn more.
Presence
Being attentive to what is happening right now. Not lost in thinking, emotional reactions, etc.
Able to witness thoughts and feelings, and to respond rather than react; able to bring oneself back to alertness when aware of having been lost in thought.
Observing
Noticing (and possibly describing) our sensory and mental experiences, and distinguishing these experiences from the interpretations we ascribe to them.
Increasingly remembering and making the distinction between observation and interpretation.
Feelings Awareness
Ability to identify and experience our physical sensations and emotions.
Able to recognize, accept, and allow emotional experience, with effort.
Self-acceptance
Accepting oneself with unconditional caring.
Increasing acceptance of, and life-enriching response to, what one feels, thinks, needs and does.
Taking ownership of one's feelings
Living from the knowledge that I alone cause my emotions— my emotions are not caused by others.
Capable of noticing when triggered, and uses that as a signal to self-connect.
Needs consciousness
Awareness of (and the willingness to honor) needs, the essential universal elemental qualities of life (like sustenance, love and meaning).
Sees difference between needs and strategies; has a vocabulary to express feelings and needs; connects feelings with underlying needs (sometimes with effort, particularly when triggered).
Reconnecting to self and recovering from reactivity
Reactivity is internal resistance to what is. Recovery is letting go of that resistance. Re-connecting to self is being with one's own experience with presence and compassion.
Sometimes notices habitual patterns and remembers empathy and/or honesty was an option.
Request consciousness & making requests
Willingness to ask for what one wants, with openness to any response; not attached to any particular outcome.
Becoming aware of how attachment, making demands, and failing to ask for what we want, are less likely to address needs.
Mourning
Transforming the suffering of loss; letting go of resistance to what is, and being willing to allow our experience to unfold.
Becoming aware of own tendency toward resistance or blame when experiencing loss.
Empathy
Being present with another's experience, with unconditional acceptance of the person.
Capable of being with another without trying to lead them, and able to reflect another's experience without affirming or adding opinions or evaluations.
Dissolving enemy images
Transcending one's perceptions that another deserves to be punished or harmed.
Becoming aware of the costs of having enemy images, and the possible value of exploring alternatives to punishment.
Discernment
Clarity, insight, and wisdom in making life-serving distinctions and choices; recognizing one has choice.
Has increasing competence in making distinctions and choices with a broad perspective, understanding the deeper meaning and intentions beneath the surface.
Living interdependently
Living from the knowledge that every individual is related to every other individual - every part of a system affects every other part.
Aware of (and interested in) the idea that all needs matter; becoming aware of either/or thinking, and of desire to submit/rebel.
Honest self-expression
Owning one's experience and having the willingness to express authentically without blame or criticism.
Usually capable of expressing authentically with an intention to connect, even when stressed.
Facilitating connection
Facilitating empathy and honesty in dialogue with an intent to create connection.
Conscious intention to connect; balancing honesty with inviting the expression of others.
Patience
Remaining spaciously present when one feels stress. An ability to be with one's own reactions, without acting out of them.
Working to expand one's range of acceptance and the ability to pause in self-connection before responding to reactivity.
Responding to others' reactivity
Responding rather than reacting to others who are caught up in intense separating emotions.
Increasingly notices one's own habitual reactions and their effect on connection.
Openness to feedback
Receiving other's perspective about our actions with equanimity and centeredness.
Understands that feedback from another is the other's perspective and connects it to the other's need; connects one's own reaction to feedback to one's own needs.
Beneficial regret
Acknowledging and learning from one's missed opportunity to meet needs, without guilt, shame, or self-punishment.
Increasing ability to transform guilt into learning. Fostering willingness to seek connection with others (with empathy and honesty) when events did not work for others.
Flexibility in relating
Openness and versatility in interacting with others.
Willing and usually able to hear observations, feelings, needs and requests, no matter how they are communicated. Has started to speak in ways that are more likely to connect.
Transforming conflict
Using conflict with others as a means to connect and create a mutual outcome.
Becoming aware of one's own reactive patterns in response to conflict; starting to notice one's attachments (to resolution, to conflict itself, to safety, etc.)
Gratitude
Finding the value in, appreciating, and enjoying what is.
Willing and able to connect to, savor, and express the gift(s) in what is happening.
Open-hearted flow of giving and receiving
Transforming scarcity thinking into thriving creatively; joyfully contributing and receiving.
Increasing awareness of habitual programming, such as desire to hoard or difficulty receiving, and increased joy in the flow of contributing and receiving.
Cultivating vitality
Tuning in to oneself to support balanced self-care; cultivating the energy to serve life.
Becoming aware of own energy levels and what influences them. Motivated to seek ways to be resourceful and to contribute.
Sharing power
Transforming domination; valuing everyone's needs with mutuality and respect; transcending submission and rebellion.
Aware of one's own submission or attempts to dominate. Strives to act with mutuality and empathy for oneself and other.
Transcending roles
Aware that we are not the roles we play; having choice about what roles we adopt and how we respond to the roles others adopt.
Becoming aware of the suffering that can occur when we react to roles rather than responding to needs.
Awareness of response-ability
Freely choosing one's responses to what shows up in life, owning one's part in what happens. Not owning others' parts, and acknowledging that one's actions do influence others.
Able to take ownership of one's experience and choices when one becomes aware of blaming, justifying, or minimizing, without trying to take ownership of others' reactions and responses.
Supporting holistic systems
Consciously participating in the creation and evolution of holistic systems that foster general well-being.
Limited view, overwhelm, and/or hopelessness about effecting change toward systems that value the needs of those affected.