Good Morning, Sunshine
What would your morning routine look like with him?
He would want to stay in bed for as long as possible, enjoying my warmth and my company.
We'd only get up once we absolutely had to. The whole time, he'd hold me really close, not letting me get even one inch away from him. Unfortunately, that means if one of us started to laugh, we'd both end up in total hysterics because feeling someone else's body convulse with joy naturally ignites the same response in yourself. We'd have to be very careful with early morning jokes! But I still think he'd make me laugh until it hurt, just so he could nuzzle into my neck and hair, and rub my tummy, and pretend to be apologetic... only to lead into yet another joke. Pure sadism.
Does he drink coffee? What kind do you think he would like?
I think he would drink it and maybe even be caffeine dependent.
Sans gives off substance abuse vibes, and while I can totally understand those headcanons, I personally can't tolerate that sort of thing at all. He can have his coffee, but that's it!
Anyways, I think he would drink super cheap instant coffee without any cream or sugar. If he puts anything in it at all, it'd be something really weird like... idk, spearmint. Or honey mustard. Even though he's drinking what is essentially a hardcore, unpalatable swill every single morning, he's not the type who would brag about drinking black coffee or insist it's "the only way." Elitism like that doesn't appeal to him at all.
I want to ask him one morning, curious about this drink that he seems to enjoy so much, "can I have a sip?" And he says, "knock yourself out, kiddo," hands me the cup, watches me have a little drink, and smiles when I literally fall unconscious because it is just that disgusting.
Wait, back to substance abuse real quick: fictional alcholism and cigarette smoking can be very cool and sexy (I blame all the black-and-white movies I used to watch) so that's fine with me... I admit that art of Sans with a lit cigarette can make me act unwise. As long as it's nothing illicit, then I'm okay.
How long does it take him to get ready?
5 seconds: just enough time to roll out of bed.
Mealtimes and Munchies
What meal would your husbando prepare for you?
Sans prefers to eat out, but he will cook if he feels inspired, and he seems to enjoy grilling.
I like the idea of him learning some simple recipes, quick lunches to pack for a trip out to the beach or to stargaze. When I was young I went through a phase wherein I ate nothing but grilled cheese, and my dad made up a recipe to accomodate me. You stuff a hot dog bun full of grated cheese, butter the outside, and then either toast it or sauté it. Sounds like something Sans might want to make after I described it to him.
What are his eating habits like?
Short answer.
Further detail.
What kind of dessert does he like most?
Short answer.
Further detail.
What kind of beverage does he drink?
Sans's preferred beverages are not beverages at all.
He's out here drinking pickle juice, soy sauce, vegetable oil, fruit concentrate (without water)... and, of course, condiments.
What restaurant would he take you to? What would he order?
An American diner, of course!
He picks one that's cheap and nearby, a "walk in and get served" sorta place, or maybe one so small that you get food in a takeout box and eat outside. He wants a burger and fries, maybe some pickles on the side. Sans is a creature of habit, reportedly eating the same meal over and over again, so I dont think he'd stray too far from the classic B&F.
Nighttime and Sleepies
What are his sleeping habits like?
He's a light sleeper (i.e. easily moves in and out of consciousness) who prefers to take lots of naps at convenient intervals rather than rest overnight.
I also feel like he wouldn't move too much while he's asleep. Some people get restless and shift around a lot, but Sans lays perfectly still. (Talk about efforts to move him, how he just stays right where he fell asleep, even if that place is weird and seems uncomfortable. Also him sleeping in unconventional places and positions, too, that's important)
If he can't fall asleep, what will he do?
Sans can always fall asleep. It's more likely that I'm the one who can't sleep and he's staying up to keep me company.
At a time like that, I'd probably just want to cuddle with him and talk quietly, or read together. This is a great opportunity for him to read a physics textbook in the most sedate voice he can muster. It's hard to imagine being bored by anything that comes out of Sans's mouth, especially because I also have an interest in science, but it would be relaxing for sure.
Yeah, really relaxing! Resting on his chest, feeling his voice rumble.... He'd prop up the book with one hand and rub my shoulder with the other, a regular touch to go along with each measured sentence. At that point, I'd want to stay awake to savour the moment, only to slip away pretty quickly after all. Sans would notice immediately, but he'd keep reading and holding me gently until he felt like he could lay me down properly. It'd suck if he woke me up by accident. Plus... he'd be enjoying the closeness too/// I'm really soft and warm and a very cuddly sleeper— he'd like that a lot.
What would he wear to bed?
As much as it pains me to say it, he would sleep in his clothes— his outside clothes.
This is probably my biggest pet peeve ever. I flip out having dirty clothes touch my comforter! Can you imagine the fit I'd throw if he wanted to climb into my bed without changing first?! I could stomach it if he at least stripped down to his T-shirt and boxers, but that's the bare minimum requirement. The next step up is clean sweatpants.
The best, I think, would be dedicated sleepwear, especially if we had a matching set. I particularly like this simple yet cozy pair which boldly declares: "She's my sweet potato," "I yam."Now... how would Sans feel about my draconian bedclothing rules? He thinks I'm making a big deal about nothing, but he also knows how to pick his battles. I just hope he would care enough about sleeping beside me to tackle the gargantuan task of changing his clothes first.
And while the topic is near at hand— I would never, ever get into Sans' bed, EVER. It looks scratchy and yucky and like it's full of crumbs. I can tolerate all sorts of mess but my high sensitivity makes no allowances for crumbs in beds. I need sheets, soft, clean sheets, and I'll make him get up so I can beat the grit off the bed with a pillow, and I won't let him lay back down until I've cleared the whole surface and smoothed the big wrinkles and made it all nice and good for both of us and....
"So high maintenance," he says, leaning against the wall. He watched me make the entire bed and made no moves to help the whole time. He didn't even tell me where he keeps his sheets; I had to ask Papyrus. Then he makes some joke that likens me/our relationship to a vintage car, something about sex and well-oiled machines. Listen, I'm not funny enough to come up with a Sans-style prank, so don't hold your breath on the Sans-style dirty jokes, okay? Someday, maybe, I'll figure out how to set-up and deliver this one.
What might he dream about?
We tend to dream about the things that are most important to us, right? So I think he'd mostly dream of his friends and family.
The usual stuff, too, like conversations they had, ways in which he wants to help them or get closer to them... That's assuming he sleeps long enough to get into the REM stage— but, ah, do monsters have different mechanisms of dreaming?? He's a skeleton so it's not like he has brain..... nmm... I guess even his dreams are made of magic.
Of course, I also love it when Sans suffers, so it'd be awesome if he sometimes had debilitating and destabilising nightmares and maybe even woke up in a cold, sweaty panic. He would not want anyone to see him like that— not even me— so he'd avoid waking me up as he snuggled closer for comfort. I would love it if having me in his bed helped him calm down faster....
Have you ever dreamt about him?
Yes, in fact I dreamt about him just last night.
I was walking through a mall with a friend when she suddenly pulled me into a laundromat/supermarket. I thought she only wanted to buy the candy displayed in the window, but she insisted on venturing deeper into the bizarre combination store. She marched ahead, meanwhile I marveled at its impossibly high ceilings and walked slowly through the aisle that was as wide as a street, lined with a mish-mash of multi-coloured products. I stopped at a magazine rack speckled with imported doujinshi, wondering if maybe I could find a サンフリ book... And I did!!!
The cover featured Sans wearing a suit, so I assumed they were weird Mobtale stories and appropriately lowered my expectations. Because the book was, for some reason, written in Tagalog, I just flipped through the pages, briefly admiring the illustrations. At one point Sans washed up on a riverbank and fell asleep in his drenched three-piece. I had a sense that this was all part of some grander plan, but I woke up before I could read any further.
My dreams of him are typically like that. He remains a fictional character in a book or on a screen. Sometimes I'm the one writing about or drawing him. I would like to have more dreams where we can interact directly, but it's so wonderful to see him at all that, if it was only ever like this, I wouldn't mind.
You fall asleep on him! How does he react?
He takes it as an excuse to go to sleep himself, if he hadn't already been napping when I sat next to or laid down on top of him.
He thinks it's cute, though, how I got comfy and used him as a pillow. He'd pet my hair and rub my back and make sure we're both tucked in. He'd know justtttt how much he can move around without waking me. As he drifts off, he thinks of how glad he is to know me, and how wonderful it is for me to trust him like this. How many people feel safe enough with him that they can lay down and sleep right on top of him? Well... probably a lot. But he's happy that I'm included on that list │
A Household of Us Two
What would it be like to live together?
Short answer.
Further detail.
What chore is your husbando best and worst at?
Short answer.
Further detail.
Is your husbando a good driver?
Yes!! He's not as interested in cars as Papyrus is, but I think he would enjoy and excel at driving once he got the hang of it.
He's the type to have a funny license plate or bumper sticker, with a bobblehead on the dashboard or some memento hanging from this rear view mirror. He drives with one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the rolled down window. Ahaha, he probably needs a cushion on the seat so he can see over the hood of the car. #ShortKing
Truthfully I think he would prefer to drive automatic, but stick shift gets me real fired up so that's what I'll imagine. Maybe he bought a beat-up old clunker super cheap without caring much about the transmission. All that matters is that I get to watch him casually and confidently switch gears. That's his driving style in general: relaxed, controlled, and (for the most part) law-abiding. Like he's not gonna speed and he uses his indicators, but he'll cross a double yellow if it makes sense. And in a tight squeeze, he could pull of some really crazy maneouvers, like just totally finesse his way through traffic. He knows what he's doing!!!
The inside of Sans's car... it's almost definitely a little gross in there— like trash on the floor and stuff— but I dunno.... Somehow I think it'd still be really comfy and charming. Blankets in the backseat, a plastic cooler and some weird/random items in the trunk, packets of salt and ketchup in the console, literal gloves in the glove compartment.... I can't smell, but I think it would smell like him, too. It'd be nice in there. Oh, and he's gotta have some CDs!! For the CD player!!!
I'll make him a mixtape called "Driving Songs," and it's 2 hours of... I can't think of anything funny. I'm too earnest! I just want to give him a jazz CD!!!!
What items would he add to the grocery list?
Canonically? Lunchables.
I think he'd like funny snacks and processed food in general. Our freezer will be full of pizza rolls and bagel bites. This question could be very funnily answered with pictures, maybe.
How would you arrange your belongings to fit together?
We'll make it work!
Sans seems like the type of guy to accumulate a lot of stuff over time. Not hoarding levels, but enough to create noticeable clutter. Books, magazines, clothes, gadgets, tools, stationery, trinkets and knickknacks. Funnily enough, I cant imagine him actually buying any of this stuff, so where does it come from? Gifts? Picked up off the side of the road? He does love trash...
Anyways, I think he'd be willing to throw unneeded stuff away if I was there to help him clean up and pack. He'd stick around for moral support while I dealt with my things, too. Overall I think we'd be able to fit everything into one shared space, all mixed together like our SOULs...
Everything mixes up so well, by the end it's not his or mine, but ours. And he'll quickly get used to me putting stickers one everything— picture frames, bookcases, the refrigerator, the coffee machine.... He just thinks it's cute.
Sans's Preferences
What are his favourite things?
Materially? Objects used in pranks!
For example: buckets, whoopee cushions, his treadmill, anything else that was used to create laughs. It becomes a favourite if it's used multiple times, or in a significant way, but even then I think he's more attached to the jokes and the laughs than to the objects themselves.
He also loves to eat, so maybe he has a favourite fork or dish or glass, or he's just really grateful for his toaster oven or microwave. He loves his sock collection, too, and his comfy clothes. I think his blue parka is his favourite belonging of all time, maybe. It's so iconic, hehe, seems like he'd wear it near constantly.
What are some things he dislikes/hates?
Hate is such a strong word... Sans doesn't casually hate people or things the way others usually might.
He's too detached to actually get riled up about anything. Maybe I could say he dislikes the "overachiever" mindset, but just because he would never act that way doesn't mean he would look down on someone who does.
What outrages him, though...? Anything that threatens his loved ones. He won't allow you to speak poorly of his friends and family in his presence. And because he believes so passionately in friendship and community, he's also unimpressed by violence and the "might makes right" worldview.
What habits of his would rub off on you and vice versa?
Short answer.
Further detail.
Would he like a pet? What kind?
Sans has a pet rock that he doesn't take care of.
I guess that's kind of the point— you dont have to do anything with it, zero upkeep required! Papyrus takes it more seriously than he does... it's so cute. The Annoying Dog seems to hang around in his house and room, as well, but I doubt he considers it "his."
That said, I can see him having a dog or a cat— only one or two at a time— in low energy, low maintenance breeds. So, like an old, short-haired cat that does nothing but sleep, stare out the window, and beg for food. Rather than ever intending to have a pet, I think he's more likely to rescue an animal off the side of the road and get too attached to give it up. Not gonna lie, I'd love to be the stray he adopts │││