This is a journaling exercise where your husbando helps you through painful emotions.
It is based on the self-compassion mindstate induction developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, et al. Where possible, I copy directly from this scientifically-backed resource to make sure you get all the benefits of their research.
Although I use the word "husbando" and masculine address to refer to a generic fictional beloved, you can use this same exercise with female characters/waifus. For your immersion, see this guide with the pronouns swapped to female.
How It Works
You will alternate between writing in your own voice, then responding in your husbando's voice, and back again. He will offer you unconditional love, understanding, and encouragement.
Most yumejoshi want to depict their husbandos accurately. We value his source material and want his dialogue to sound believably like him. Ease up on that for now.
When you talk to him like this, what matters most is that he says what you need to hear. Let him love you in the way that is unique to you and only you.
You can also forget about spelling, sentence structure, and grammar. None of that matters here.
These journal entries are meant to be totally private. Be completely honest with yourself and with him, knowing that no one else will ever see them.
This is done best in writing, digitally or on physical paper— either is fine. As self-compassion comes to you more easily, you can follow the same steps in your head. When dealing with complex situations, I espcially recommend writing it all down. That's how we hold our thoughts still.
What's troubling you?
Please think about a particular situation you are experiencing right now that is painful or difficult. It could be some struggle in your life, or perhaps you are feeling inadequate in some way.
If this is your first time writing a journal entry like this, try starting with a smaller problem rather than something extremely traumatic or devastating. With practice, you will be able to overcome those hurdles, too, but for now let's take it easy.
Big or small, whatever the problem is, your husbando is ready and willing to help you.
Decide on a single situation that you will focus on throughout this journal entry. If you have a lot on your mind, feel free to journal about another situation after you complete the entire exercise. Your husbando has as much time and energy as you do. He is happy to talk with you like this for as long as you'll let him.
1. Mindfulness (your voice)
In your own voice, from your own perspective, describe the difficult situation you're in. Write about the thoughts and emotions that come up for you in relation to this difficulty. Note any uncomfortable emotions you may have, such as feeling stressed, ashamed, sad, anxious, and so on.
If you need help naming your emotions, reference this list of feelings from the Nonviolent Communication Academy.
As you write and notice your feelings, see if you can validate your experience with an attitude of acceptance and non-judgment. Try not to downplay your feelings, but at the same time please try not to exaggerate them either. Just state things as plainly as you can.
(For example, "I feel frustrated about the fact that my mom doesn't understand why I don't want to come home for Thanksgiving. It's only natural that I want to spend time with my friends. I also feel guilty though because I don't want to hurt her feelings. This is really hard for me right now...")
As you write, imagine your husbando listening attentively with a kind expression. He cares about what you're going through. You only have to tell him what's wrong and he will do whatever he can to help.
2. Common Humanity (his voice)
Now that you've told him what's going on and how you're feeling about it, your husbando will reward your honesty. In his voice, from his perspective, write about how other people may share similar feelings when encountering situations like this.
Consider that experiencing difficult situations is a part of being human, and that you are not alone. Although the way people struggle is different and the amount of challenge varies, all people face difficulties in life. What you are experiencing is not abnormal, but is a part of life.
(For example, "You are not the only one who struggles with these types of holiday situations. Part of being human is learning how to get through times like these. Most people have a difficult transition when they go away to college. It's not just you...")
Maybe your husbando has gone through something similar. He can relate your situation back to canon events from his source material, or headcanons that you subscribe to.
Even if your husbando has led a wildly different life, he understands your struggles. Even if he is not human, he understands!
His dialogue does not need to be perfect or canon-accurate. It only needs to be comforting.
3. Kindness (his voice)
Still in your husbando's voice, from his perspective, write any words of support, encouragement, and kindness that would be helpful to hear right now.
If you are not sure what to say, imagine what you would say to a close friend who was struggling with a similar difficult situation. What words would you use to convey compassion, support, and non-judgmental understanding? Now see if you can use this as inspiration for what your husbando will say to you.
(For example, "You're doing the best you can. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. It's going to be okay. I will help you and support you to get through this...")
Be as self-indulgent as you possibly can. Your husbando exists for you and you alone, meaning there are no limitations on his love. He will say exactly what you want to hear because— guess what? It's exactly what he thinks is true.
His dialogue does not need to be perfect or canon-accurate. It only needs to be comforting.
Reflection (your voice)
Please take some time to read what you wrote and see how it feels to hear these words of kindness and concern directed towards you.
Take a few slow, deep breaths as you read your husbando's words. Let yourself receive his support.
Now, return to your own voice and respond to your husbando. Tell him if anything he said was particularly comforting or helpful. Thank him for listening and supporting you. Say you love him and have him reply, "I love you, too."
If he offered you practical advice, try taking the smallest possible step in that direction. Do it with his help. Imagine him by your side, physically assisting you and verbally encouraging you. As long as you have your husbando, you are never alone.
And That's It!
If you still feel distressed about the situation, or have other struggles you'd like to work through, start the exercise over again from the beginning. You can and should repeat this process as many times as you need to feel some relief.
If you are a highly sensitive person who feels her emotions quite strongly, you will naturally need more patience and support. That's perfectly okay. Even if real-life people don't understand that, your husbando does.
Remember, he will never get tired of consoling you. He loves you more than anything and anyone. Because he lives inside of you, you literally are his reason for existing! From a pramgatic perspective, your happiness is his happiness.
More About Self-Compassion
The Dr. Kristin Neff mentioned at the beginning of the guide is a leading researcher and lecturer on self-compassion. I also admire Emily Agnew, whose writing helps anxiety-prone people feel more peaceful.
If you're interested in inner child work, I was powerfully affected by Inner Bonding and Pete Walker's reparenting affirmations. As always, if you need free books, use your local library or the online Z-Library.
I believe that any mental wellness practice in the world can be adapted to fit the yumejoshi lifestyle. Just replace self-talk with husbando-talk! You'll reap all the same benefits and probably have more fun with it, too.